What Prevents You From Loving Yourself?

How often is the question, "What is loving to myslf and others - what is in my highest good and the highest good of another?" the question that guides your actions? Is there something in the way of you asking this question? What is the fear that gets in the way of loving yourself?

Ethan's fear is that "If I open to loving, I will be weak and then easily taken advantage of. I might lose my sharpness in business and then lose money. Business people will see that I'm a soft touch and run right over me."

Ethan's wounded self does not believe that if his strong, spiritually connected loving adult is in charge, he will be more powerful than he is now. He does not believe that by being tuned into his spiritual Guidance, he will be able to know when someone is trying to take advantage of him, and when someone is coming from integrity. Because Ethan spends most of his time trying to control, he does not have faith in his spiritual Guidance. He is afraid to open, afraid it will lead him astray, afraid of losing what he has. As a result, Ethan spends most of his life in stress, leading to physical and emotional pain. He is unhappy with this, but not unhappy enough to risk opening to loving. He is stuck.

Alexis is stuck in her cycle of anger at her husband. In her mind, she knows that her controlling, blaming anger is pushing him away, yet she fears that "If I let go of the control, he will end up making a fool of me. The only way I can be safe from him doing something behind my back, like having an affair, is to keep a tight rein on him." Alexis' husband, Noah, has been staying away more and more, and coming home later and later. He doesn't want to be around the anger. The more he stays away, the angrier Alexis gets. She is terrified to let go and see what will happen. Having a huge abandonment issue, and not doing the inner work to take care of herself, she is very afraid he will leave her. Rather than risk this, she keeps doing the very thing that pushes Noah away, while her fears continue to grow.

Connor is constantly holding back his love with his wife, Madison. When Madison comes with an open heart and loving eyes, Connor shrinks back from even looking at her. "If I look at her and open to her, it feels as if she will suck out my very soul and have total control over me. I just get so terrified of completely losing myself. I feel bad because I know how much I hurt Madison with my withholding, but I can't seem to stay open to loving her or loving myself." Conner does not believe that if he opens to loving, he will have a powerful enough adult that he cannot be taken over and controlled.

Each of these people are terrified at losing something - losing themselves, losing the other, losing face, losing money, losing power. None of them have the faith that if they open to loving themselves and others, they will be supported by the vast power of Spirit. None of them are willing to risk opening to loving and seeing what happens. As a result, they cannot create a strong enough connection with their spiritual Guidance to know that their fears are not based on truth, but on their false beliefs.

Two things would need to happen for them to change:

1. They would need to be willing to risk having their worst fears happen. Until they are willing to find out whether or not their fears are based on truth, they will be stuck avoiding them. When they finally say, "Okay, if I'm abandoned, made a fool of, taken advantage of or completely controlled by another, so be it. Living this way isn't working so I'm willing to see what will happen if I open," then they will open to learning and loving.
2. When they decide that the spiritual journey of becoming a loving human being is more important than whether or not they are hurt, rejected, controlled, or made a fool of, then they will open. As long as they believe that the earthly journey of getting and controlling is more important than the spiritual journey of learning and loving, they will stay stuck.

Your soul remembers your spiritual journey. Your soul yearns to love and share love. Your soul yearns for the lightness of being that comes from opening to love. If you diligently practice Inner Bonding, you will eventually connect with the deep desires of your soul and open your heart.

Margaret Paul, Ph.D. is the best-selling author and co-author of eight books, including "Do I Have To Give Up Me To Be Loved By You?" and "Healing Your Aloneness." She is the co-creator of the powerful Inner Bonding® healing process. Learn Inner Bonding now! Visit her web site for a FREE Inner Bonding course: http://www.innerbonding.com

http://www.akbarkaji.com

Tony Robbins New Book "Money: Master the Game." Interview with Brendon B...

www.akbarkaji.com

E-mail: akbar@akbarkaji.com

How Incredibly Successful People THINK

www.akbarkaji.com

The Power of Positive Thinking

Positive thinking is a mental and emotional attitude that focuses on the bright side of life and expects positive results.

A positive person anticipates happiness, health and success, and believes he or she can overcome any obstacle and difficulty.

Positive thinking is not accepted by everyone. Some, consider it as nonsense, and scoff at people who follow it, but there is a growing number of people, who accept positive thinking as a fact, and believe in its effectiveness.

It seems that this subject is gaining popularity, as evidenced by the many books, lectures and courses about it.

To use it in your life, you need more than just to be aware of its existence. You need to adopt the attitude of positive thinking in everything you do.

How Positive Thinking Works

The following story illustrates how this power works:

Allan applied for a new job, but he didn't believe he will get it, since his self-esteem was low, and he considered himself as a failure and unworthy of success.

He had a negative attitude toward himself, and therefore, believed that the other applicants were better and more qualified than him.

Allan's mind was occupied with negative thoughts and fears concerning the job, for the whole week preceding the job interview. He actually, anticipated failure.

On the day of the interview, he got up late, and to his horror he discovered that the shirt he planned to wear was dirty, and the other one needed ironing. As it was already too late, he went out wearing a wrinkled shirt and without eating breakfast.

During the interview, he was tense, negative, hungry and worried about his shirt. All this,distracted his mind and made it difficult for him to focus on the interview. His overall behavior made a bad impression, and consequently, he materialized his fear and did not get the job.

Jim applied for the same job too, but approached the matter in a different way. He was sure that he was going to get the job. During the week preceding the interview, he often visualized himself making a good impression and getting the job.

In the evening before the interview, he prepared the clothes he was going to wear, and went to sleep a little earlier. On day of the interview, he woke up earlier than usual, and had ample time to eat breakfast, and then to arrive to the interview before the scheduled time.

Jim made a good impression and got the job.

What do we learn from these two stories? Was there any magic used? No, everything happened in a natural way.

Positive Thinking Is a Way of Life

With a positive attitude we experience pleasant and happy feelings. This brings brightness to the eyes, more energy, and happiness. Our whole being broadcasts good will, happiness and success. Even our health is affected in a beneficial way. We walk tall, our voice is more powerful, and our body language shows the way we feel.

Positive and negative thinking are contagious.

We affect, and are affected by the people we meet, in one way or another. This happens instinctively and on a subconscious level, through words, thoughts and feelings, and through body language.

Is it any wonder that we want to be around positive people, and prefer to avoid negative ones?

People are more disposed to help us, if we are positive, and they dislike and avoid anyone broadcasting negativity.

Negative thoughts, words and attitude, create negative and unhappy feelings, moods and behavior. When the mind is negative, poisons are released into the blood, which cause more unhappiness and negativity. This is the way to failure, frustration and disappointment.

Positive Thinking Practical Instructions

In order to turn the mind toward the positive, some inner work is required, since attitude and thoughts do not change overnight.

1. Read about this subject, think about its benefits, and persuade yourself to try it. The power of your thoughts is a mighty power that is always shaping your life. This shaping is usually done subconsciously, but it is possible to make the process a conscious one. Even if the idea seems strange, give it a try. You have nothing to lose, but only to gain.
2. Ignore what other people say or think about you, if they discover that you are changing the way you think.
3. Use your imagination to visualize only favorable and beneficial situations.
4. Use positive words in your inner dialogues, or when talking with others.
5. Smile a little more, as this helps to think positively.
6. Once a negative thought enters your mind, you have to be aware of it, and endeavor to replace it with a constructive one. If the negative thought returns, replace it again with a positive one. It is as if there are two pictures in front of you, and you have to choose to look at one of them, and disregard the other. Persistence will eventually teach your mind to think positively, and to ignore negative thoughts.
7. In case you experience inner resistance and difficulties when replacing negative thoughts with positive ones, do not give up, but keep looking only at the beneficial, good and happy thoughts in your mind.
8. It doesn't matter what your circumstances are at the present moment. Think positively, expect only favorable results and situations, and circumstances will change accordingly. If you persevere, you will transform the way your mind thinks. It might take some time for the changes to take place, but eventually they will.
9. Another useful technique is the repetition of affirmations. This technique is similar to creative visualization, and can be used together with it.

The other articles at this website, about the power of concentration, willpower, self-discipline and peace of mind, also contribute to the development of a positive mind, and are recommended for reading and practicing.

How To Stay Positive

www.akbarkaji.com

Relationship Communication - How Couples Perceive Each Other

Just because someone is listening to me, I don't assume that they got the communication that I sent. Neither should you.

So after I say something, I have created the habit of asking my listener what s/he heard from me. I also like to check in on my own perceptions about what I've heard from someone.

Rather than assuming that my perceptions about what other people mean when they say something are accurate, I've gotten into the practice of asking if what I heard was what they meant to communicate to me.

Here's one great example:
I had assumed for a while that when my lover didn't ask for my support (because I certainly ask for his) that it was because he didn't think I had anything to give him. I was really upset about this story I was telling myself and it was affecting how I related to him. I found that I resented asking for his support, and did everything in my power to avoid it. I felt awful because it thwarted my natural inclination to ask. But he wouldn't ask me… It was a viscous circle.

When I finally checked in and asked "I've had the feeling that you don't ask me for help because you don't think I have anything to offer you. Is that accurate with what is happening for you?" He laughed. "Absolutely not," he said. "I just can't seem to ask. It's my issue. I really value your help," he said.

Lately we've been working with asking each other what we RECEIVE in our communications and it's fascinating how much of what is SENT is altered by way of how we hear things. He could say "I don't want to talk about it," and I will hear "You don't want to talk to me." We then have an opportunity to clarify and better understand how each of us uses language.

If you use the words "sense," "feel" or "intuit," you let your partner know "Look, this is a perception."

No one wants to be TOLD how he or she is." I sense you're angry," is an opening. "You're angry," is a dead end. Then simply ask, "Is that accurate?" "Does that resonate with you?" "Is that what's going on for you?"

It feels great to have someone care enough to really get it right and to be able to reflect your communication back to you with accuracy.

Perception Checking:
Ask who you're talking to reflect back to you what s/he heard. If what you had hoped to send and what they received are different, you've got a place tostart from to clear up any misconceptions and get yourselves both "on the same page."
After someone says something to you, reflect back to him or her what you've heard. Discover if it matches. If it doesn't it gives you both the chance to make sure that the message that's being sent is the one you're getting.

Starting Your Day off the RIGHT Way

The morning is the most important time of the day. Why? - Because it can easily set the mood for the rest of your day! - This is due to many reasons. One of the most significant is that it is much easier (scientifically, almost 25 times easier) to develop short term paradigms (viewpoints) upon first waking up. When you first awaken, your mind is slowly leaving the delta state, (low brain wave frequency) where it is most easily influenced by mental suggestion. In other words, your mind is most open – and what you put in it will stay in it, until at least the end of the day. It is for this reason that often, if you are awakened by a sound or a song, you may be able to easily recall it again and again throughout the day (even if it’s a song you cannot stand!).

That being said, it is absolutely critical that you start your day off on the “right side of the bed.” Any negative thoughts you have will shape your subconscious for the entire day. Realize, if you wake up and say “Sh*t… today’s gonna suck…”, then it will suck! - Your subconscious would be imbued with a belief that “today sucks” and would work with your mental filtering systems and all of your senses to perceive information accordingly. There’s a lot to it, but the point of this article is to give you a list of tips to start your day off the right way… so back on track.

We know you’re busy as #%$! In the morning and don’t have time for therapeutic, two hour spa sessions when you’re trying to get to work or class on time. Therefore, this list is as “grounded” as is possible, and you can start using it – Now.

Also, for the record, we DO use every single one of these ourselves.

1. Initial Wakeup

GET UP! FAST! When you wake up, get out of bed as fast as you can! (without sending yourself into cardiac arrest, of course.) Waste no time in getting up. The best cure for procrastination is action – so if you’re procrastinating about getting out of bed, just force yourself to get up! …and wallah! - Problem solved! Jumping out of bed will spike your metabolism, and will end all thoughts of “just lying there” a little bit more. As an added bonus, I put my alarm clock on the other side of the room – forcing me to jump out of bed and go turn it off… and once I’m out, I stay out!

2. Light

The power of light is severely underestimated by most people. How? It has profound effects upon body chemistry and energy levels. You circadian rhythm (based on light levels) affects nearly all aspects of your physiology. Over 200 processes are controlled by the level of and type of light that you receive, including heart rate, digestion, appetite and thirst, fluid balance, stress level, emotions, immunity, hunger, energy, blood pressure, body temperature, physical strength, reaction times, sexual appetite, urine production and brain balance – just to name a few. Bright, natural light is ideal for bringing the most energy to all these systems. The more light you receive, the more serotonin your pineal gland produces – a “feel good” neurotransmitter. The less light received, the more melatonin your pineal gland produces. Melatonin is essentially a depressant / sedative. This explains why humans living in Spain are some of the most upbeat, positive beings on the planet, where as residents in Norway or Russia are some of the most depressed. Your body makes melatonin at night, and makes serotonin during the day. So, the sooner you turn on the lights, or open the blinds preferably, the sooner your body’s systems will increase their energy levels. The longer you keep it dark, the harder it will be to wake up – that simple.

3. Wake Up to a Clean Room

This one may not seem that significant, but believe me – it is. Waking up to a clean, organized room has a positive first impression upon your mind. Waking up to clutter, dirty clothes, and piles of beer cans from the night before does not. This may seem like a bit of a feng shui thing, but give it a try, and you will realize – it does work. It’s easier to vacate a room when it’s clean, pristine, and relatively organized / empty, versus one that is piled high and more “cozy.” Keep your room stark… put things away from you’re done using them. It will help.

4. Fresh Air

Open the window. No matter what season it is. Open the window… even if it is just a crack. Your bedroom has sat stagnant all night, void of fresh air, especially if you leave your door closed as I do. When you open the window (and the door preferably) you create a cross draft to bring in fresh air. You have lowered the oxygen level by rebreathing the same air in the room at night. However, as soon as you open the window, you bring in fresh air with high oxygen levels – instantly raising your energy level. Even if it is 10 degrees out, open the window just a tad. When it’s cold out, it will have even more of an effect – the cool, denser air will carry more oxygen, and the temperature alone will help you to awaken.

5. Music

Music is a huge part of my morning. Even if you are not musically motivated, music can shape your mornings. Turn on music as soon as you can after waking up. Make sure it is something positive and uplifting – as chances are it may become stuck in your head for the rest of the day. Personally, I love pounding trance in the morning – it’s positive, uplifting chords and driving bass last with me all day. Make sure you’re listening to something that pulls you up… not down. The effect of music upon the brain is something we will discuss down the road – stay tuned. Also, if music is not available, any high frequencysound chords can work. Birds chirping, wind chimes, ect – all help awaken and sooth the mind.

6. Food

Start your morning off with a full glass of water before you eat anything else – This is essential. Toxins have been ejected from tissue and line your throat and mouth (thus, morning-breath) and the last thing you want to do is to allow them to adhere to your breakfast. Drink a full glass of water –and give it ten minutes. If you have an empty stomach, the toxins will be flushed down, and pass out with your urine, with no food to absorb them. Ten minutes later, you may eat your breakfast. The subject of a healthy breakfast is obviously a lengthy subject, but I’ll be brief – DO NOT SKIP BREAKFAST. They’re not lying when they say it’s the most important meal of the day. Your body has been starved for eight hours or more, and breakfast is crucial. Breakfast jumpstarts your metabolism, ends your body’s “hoarding mode” from the night, and will actually help you lose weight and stay lean if you chose the proper foods. Make sure you eat some fruit, some protein, and some carbs. My typical weekend breakfast consists of an orange and three scrambled eggs… very basic, but quite healthy. If you’re eating loads of sugary cereal, or worse, doughnuts for breakfast, you need to go do some basic research online on how to eat healthy. You could be lean and good looking, but lack energy, and your arteries may be 90% blocked – as a result of your diet.

7. Cold shower

Take a cold shower. Yes, freezing cold is unbearable. You don’t have to do it that way. Start it off hot… like me. Then, after you’re medium-toasty (not well-toasty... it will make you more tired), put it on cold for as long as you can take it. Then, put it on hot for a minute… then cold for a minute. Repeat the hot-cold cycle a few times – this will not only wake you up fast, but it will expand and contract your pores to force out toxins and oils from the night. End the shower with a cold rinse – you want to be cold when you step out… it’s critical, as it will raise your metabolism, and keep it there. Try the cold shower thing for a week – you’ll notice a difference. A long, hot shower depresses your physiological systems and makes you want to go back to bed. A cold, invigorating shower will wake you up – fast. Try it.

8. Make Your Bed

This doesn’t serve as much of a purpose for in the morning, as it does for in the evening. I’ll explain how it works from my situation. I wake up. I do my morning routine. I (in this example) do not make my bed. I leave. I work all day, and at the end of the day, I think of all the projects that I am going to work on when I get home. However, when I get home into my room, I suddenly feel tired… there’s something drawing me to my bed. The covers are thrown back – like a great, yawning mouth of gaping comfort… calling for me to dive in after a long day at work. So I do – I jump in, cover up, get all toasty, and sleep away half of my evening – only to go to bed again a few hours later. Leaving your bed unmade kills your motivation. Not only does it appear messy, which drains your energy in its own right, but it also invites you back in repeatedly, when you usually cannot afford to. So, make your bed. You’ll notice you get more things done in the evening.

9. Time Savers

There are several small, simple things you can do to save time in the morning. For one, if you check your computer in the morning (MySpace, Facebook, email, stocks, weather, ect), then try this. Rather than shutting down your computer at night, put it in standby. You will save a few minutes over turning it on, and it won’t use any more electricity. If it takes your computer four minutes to boot up, multiplied over a year, that is over 24 hours! An entire day you would save if you followed the routine everyday. Another rather obvious tip is to put all your “to-go” items in one spot. Put your phone, wallet (or purse), watch, rings, notepad, ID badge, car keys, ect; all on the same part of the counter, or in a bowl perhaps. It will save you time searching for everything. Additionally, whatever time you are waking up now, wake up ten minutes earlier. It makes a world of difference in the morning. If you can get over the “I could sleep for ten more minutes” thinking, you will reap amazing benefits. Ten minutes can take a lot of the edge off of your morning, allowing you to take your time as you go about your routine. It can save you money as well. I can tell you in my case that if I leave a few minutes early, rather than driving 80 MPH to make it to work on time, I can drive 65-70 MPH, which, due to exponential drag and air resistance, is optimum gas mileage speed for my car, and saves me a few bucks each week in gas.

10. Self-Talk

Self-Talk should be the most important part of any morning routine. In the morning, you need to load yourself with as much positive mental programming as possible. Your mind is most receptive to it in the morning (and at night), and it will shape the rest of your day. Your programming comes in many different forms, and it is our job to help you use it to your advantage. Mental programming is too much for this article… keep your eyes on us as we come out with new products to help you shape your mind exactly the way you want it – and help you live the life you deserve.