The Courage to Live Consciously

Security is mostly a superstition. It does not exist in nature,
nor do the children of men as a whole experience it.
Avoiding danger is no safer in the long run than outright exposure.
Life is either a daring adventure, or nothing.
To keep our faces toward change and behave like free spirits
in the presence of fate is strength undefeatable.- Helen Keller

In our day-to-day lives, the virtue of courage doesn't receive much attention. Courage is a quality reserved for soldiers, firefighters, and activists. Security is what matters most today. Perhaps you were taught to avoid being too bold or too brave. It's too dangerous. Don't take unnecessary risks. Don't draw attention to yourself in public. Follow family traditions. Don't talk to strangers. Keep an eye out for suspicious people. Stay safe.

But a side effect of overemphasizing the importance of personal security in your life is that it can cause you to live reactively. Instead of setting your own goals, making plans to achieve them, and going after them with gusto, you play it safe. Keep working at the stable job, even though it doesn't fulfill you. Remain in the unsatisfying relationship, even though you feel dead inside compared to the passion you once had. Who are you to think that you can buck the system? Accept your lot in life, and make the best of it. Go with the flow, and don't rock the boat. Your only hope is that the currents of life will pull you in a favorable direction.

No doubt there exist real dangers in life you must avoid. But there's a huge gulf between recklessness and courage. I'm not referring to the heroic courage required to risk your life to save someone from a burning building. By courage I mean the ability to face down those imaginary fears and reclaim the far more powerful life that you've denied yourself. Fear of failure. Fear of rejection. Fear of going broke. Fear of being alone. Fear of humiliation. Fear of public speaking. Fear of being ostracized by family and friends. Fear of physical discomfort. Fear of regret. Fear of success.

How many of these fears are holding you back? How would you live if you had no fear at all? You'd still have your intelligence and common sense to safely navigate around any real dangers, but without feeling the emotion of fear, would you be more willing to take risks, especially when the worst case wouldn't actually hurt you at all? Would you speak up more often, talk to more strangers, ask for more sales, dive headlong into those ambitious projects you've been dreaming about? What if you even learned to enjoy the things you currently fear? What kind of difference would that make in your life?

Have you previously convinced yourself that you aren't really afraid of anything... that there are always good and logical reasons why you don't do certain things? It would be rude to introduce yourself to a stranger. You shouldn't attempt public speaking because you don't have anything to say. Asking for a raise would be improper because you're supposed to wait until the next formal review. They're just rationalizations though - think about how your life would change if you could confidently and courageously do these things with no fear at all.

What Is Courage?

Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgment that something else is more important than fear.
- Ambrose Redmoon

Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear - not absence of fear.
- Mark Twain

Courage is being scared to death, but saddling up anyway.
- John Wayne

I like the definitions of courage above, which all suggest that courage is the ability to get yourself to take action in spite of fear. The word courage derives from the Latin cor, which means "heart." But true courage is more a matter of intellect than of feeling. It requires using the uniquely human part of your brain (the neocortex) to wrest control away from the emotional limbic brain you share in common with other mammals. Your limbic brain signals danger, but your neocortex reasons that the danger isn't real, so you simply feel the fear and take action anyway. The more you learn to act in spite of fear, the more human you become. The more you follow the fear, the more you live like a lower mammal. So the question, "Are you a man or a mouse?" is consistent with human neurology.

Courageous people are still afraid, but they don't let the fear paralyze them. People who lack courage will give into fear more often than not, which actually has the long-term effect of strengthening the fear. When you avoid facing a fear and then feel relieved that you escaped it, this acts as a psychological reward that reinforces the mouse-like avoidance behavior, making you even more likely to avoid facing the fear in the future. So the more you avoid asking someone out on a date, the more paralyzed you'll feel about taking such actions in the future. You are literally conditioning yourself to become more timid and mouse-like.

Such avoidance behavior causes stagnation in the long run. As you get older, you reinforce your fear reactions to the point where it's hard to even imagine yourself standing up to your fears. You begin taking your fears for granted; they become real to you. You cocoon yourself into a life that insulates you from all these fears: a stable but unhappy marriage, a job that doesn't require you to take risks, an income that keeps you comfortable. Then you rationalize your behavior: You have a family to support and can't take risks, you're too old to shift careers, you can't lose weight because you have "fat" genes. Five years... ten years... twenty years pass, and you realize that your life hasn't changed all that much. You've settled down. All that's really left now is to live out the remainder of your years as contently as possible and then settle yourself into the ground, where you'll finally achieve total safety and security.

But there's something else going on behind the scenes, isn't there? That tiny voice in the back of your mind recalls that this isn't the kind of life you wanted to live. It wants more, much more. It wants you to become far wealthier, to have an outstanding relationship, to get your body in peak physical condition, to learn new skills, to travel the world, to have lots of wonderful friends, to help people in need, to make a meaningful difference. That voice tells you that settling into a job where you sell widgets the rest of your life just won't cut it. That voice frowns at you when you catch a glance of your oversized belly in the mirror or get winded going up a flight of stairs. It beams disappointment when it sees what's become of your family. It tells you that the reason you have trouble motivating yourself is that you aren't doing what you really ought to be doing with your life... because you're afraid. And if you refuse to listen, it will always be there, nagging you about your mediocre results until you die, full of regrets for what might have been.

So how do you respond to this ornery voice that won't shut up? What do you do when confronted by that gut feeling that something just isn't right in your life? What's your favorite way to silence it? Maybe drown it out by watching TV, listening to the radio, working long hours at an unfulfilling job, or consuming alcohol and caffeine and sugar.

But whenever you do this, you lower your level of consciousness. You sink closer towards an instinctive animal and move away from becoming a fully conscious human being. You react to life instead of proactively going after your goals. You fall into a state of learned helplessness, where you begin to believe that your goals are no longer possible or practical for you. You become more and more like a mouse, even trying to convince yourself that life as a mouse might not be so bad after all, since everyone around you seems to be OK with it. You surround yourself with your fellow mice, and on the rare occasions that you encounter a fully conscious human being, it scares the hell out of you to remember how much of your own courage has been lost.

Raise Your Consciousness

Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one's courage.
- Anais Nin

Courage is the price that Life exacts for granting peace.
- Amelia Earhart

You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, "I have lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along." You must do the thing you think you cannot do.
- Eleanor Roosevelt

The way out of this vicious cycle is to summon your courage and confront that inner voice. Find a place where you can be alone with pen and paper (or computer and keyboard). Listen to that voice, and face up to what it's telling you, no matter how difficult it is to hear. (The voice is just an abstraction - you may not hear words at all; instead you may see what you should be doing or simply feel it emotionally. But I'll continue to refer to the voice for the sake of example.) This voice may tell you that your marriage has been dead for ten years, and you're refusing to face it because you're afraid of divorce. It may tell you that you're afraid that if you start your own business, you'll probably fail, and that's why you're staying at a job that doesn't challenge you to grow. It may tell you that you've given up trying to lose weight because you've failed at it so many times, and you're addicted to food. It may tell you that the friends you're hanging out with now are incongruent with the person you want to be, and that you need to leave that reference group behind and build a new one. It may tell you that you always wanted to be an actor or writer, but you settled for a sales job because it seemed more safe and secure. It may tell you that you always wanted to help people in need, but you aren't doing so in the way you should. It may tell you that you're wasting your talents.

See if you can reduce that voice to just a single word or two. What is it telling you to do? Leave. Quit. Speak. Write. Dance. Act. Exercise. Sell. Switch. Move on. Let go. Ask. Learn. Forgive. Whatever you get from this, write it down. Perhaps you even have different words for each area of your life.

Now you have to take the difficult step of consciously acknowledging that this is what you really want. It's OK if you don't think it's possible for you. It's OK if you don't see how you could ever have it. But don't deny that you want it. You lower your consciousness when you do that. When you look at your overweight body, admit that you really want to be fit and healthy. When you light up that next cigarette, don't deny that you want to be a nonsmoker. When you meet the potential mate of your dreams, don't deny that you'd love to be in a relationship with that person. When you meet a person who seems to be at total peace with herself, don't deny that you crave that level of inner peace too. Get yourself out of denial. Move instead to a place where you admit, "I really do want this, but I just don't feel I currently have the ability to get it." It's perfectly OK to want something that you don't think you can have. And you're almost certainly wrong in concluding that you can't have it. But first, stop lying to yourself and pretending you don't really want it.

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Needs: Do Some People's Childhoods Set Them Up To Focus On Other People's Needs?

While there will be times where will be important for someone to focus on the needs of others, there will also be times when this isn't the case. This is not to say that one will need to spend half of their time being focused on other people's needs and half of their time being focused on their own - as it is not that black and white.

The most important thing will be for one to be aware of their needs, and for their life to be based around the fulfilment of these needs. One person could agree with this, and another could see this approach as being 'selfish'.

They could say that when someone focuses on their own needs they end up ignoring other people's needs. In their mind, it is not going to be possible for them to see how they can fulfil their own needs, and be there for others.

Two Options

As a result of this, they are going to focus on other people's needs and feel as though they are doing the right thing, or they will focus on their own needs and feel as though they are doing the wrong thing. One is then going to be 'selfless', or they will end up being 'selfish'.

But although there can appear to be only two options, with one being 'better' than the other, there is another option. And whether one comes across as though they are always there for themselves or always there for others, they are still putting themselves first.

Appearances

when one is always there for others, it can create the impression that they are putting their needs to one side. This is because people are judged based on what they do, and not on what is taking place within them.

Therefore, it won't matter what their true intentions are, and they will generally be seen as an example to follow. Yet, if someone was able to look at what is taking place within them, they are likely to see that there is more to their behaviour than meets the eye.

Approval

When one puts other people's needs before their own, it is going to allow them to receive their approval. On one side, it can seem as though they are ignoring their own needs, but on the other, it is clear that they are still fulfilling their needs.

The key distinction here is that they are not going to be focused on all of their needs; they are only going to be focused on their survival needs. Receiving approval from others is then not just something that makes them feel good; it is something they believe they need in order to exist.

One Option

If they were to embrace all of their needs and they were no longer obsessed with others people needs, it is going to be seen as a threat to their survival. This is not just going to be seen as something they believe, it is likely to be seen as the truth.

There is then going to be the mask that they show to the world, and then there is going to be the person behind the mask. On the outside, they may create impression that everything is fine, but this is likely to be in stark contrast to how they really feel.

Trapped

However, as they believe that they can only survive by pleasing others, it is not going to be possible for them to reveal their true self. But one won't have to feel as though their life is under threat in order to feel uncomfortable.

Before they even get to this point, they are going to feel guilty and ashamed for having needs. It then won't matter that there is nothing wrong with their needs, as they are going to feel as though it is not safe for them to have them.

The Ideal

Having needs is part of being human, and just because someone embraces them, it doesn't mean they will ignore other people needs. What it does man is that they will be able to live a life that is worth living.

For it is through fulfilling one's own needs, that they will be able to full the needs of others. This then allows them to be there for others without having to end up running on empty.

Another Angle

And while it is easy to believe that one is 'selfish' for putting their needs first and 'selfless' for putting other people needs first, there is more to it. For example, if one focuses on their own needs and creates something, it is going to enable them to fulfil other people needs.

Whereas, if one was to focus on others and didn't fulfil their need to create something, they are not going to be able to fill other people's needs. This shows how important it is for one to take care of their own needs.

Focused

So if one was to let go of their need to focus on other people needs, they are going to feel as though their time on this earth will soon come to an end. It is then not possible for one to be an individual; they have to be who others want them to be.

The support that they need from others will be seen as something that will only appear if they do what they want. However, while this is likely to be what is normal, it is not something that 'just happened'.

Childhood

Their younger years will have been a time where their needs were ignored, and they would have ended up taking care of the needs of the people around them. At this time, it would have been something one needed to do to survive.

One would have ended up disconnecting from their own needs, and gradually developed the ability to focus on their caregivers needs. It wouldn't have mattered that their true self had to go into hiding, and this is because they needed to be accepted.

Awareness

This is then going to mean that one's developmental needs were not met, and is going to mean that although they look like an adult, they are not going to feel like one. They were expected to act like an adult before they even had the chance to act like a child.

In order to move forward, it will be important for one to grieve their unmet childhood needs, and to be affirmed for who they are. This is something that can take place with the assistance of a therapist or a healer.

Prolific writer, thought leader and coach, Oliver JR Cooper hails from the United Kingdom. His insightful commentary and analysis covers all aspects of human transformation; love, partnership, self-love, and inner awareness. With over several hundred in-depth articles highlighting human psychology and behavior, Oliver offers hope along with his sound advice. Current projects include "A Dialogue With The Heart" and "Communication Made Easy."

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/9011185
http://www.akbarkaji.com

What Prevents You From Loving Yourself?

How often is the question, "What is loving to myslf and others - what is in my highest good and the highest good of another?" the question that guides your actions? Is there something in the way of you asking this question? What is the fear that gets in the way of loving yourself?

Ethan's fear is that "If I open to loving, I will be weak and then easily taken advantage of. I might lose my sharpness in business and then lose money. Business people will see that I'm a soft touch and run right over me."

Ethan's wounded self does not believe that if his strong, spiritually connected loving adult is in charge, he will be more powerful than he is now. He does not believe that by being tuned into his spiritual Guidance, he will be able to know when someone is trying to take advantage of him, and when someone is coming from integrity. Because Ethan spends most of his time trying to control, he does not have faith in his spiritual Guidance. He is afraid to open, afraid it will lead him astray, afraid of losing what he has. As a result, Ethan spends most of his life in stress, leading to physical and emotional pain. He is unhappy with this, but not unhappy enough to risk opening to loving. He is stuck.

Alexis is stuck in her cycle of anger at her husband. In her mind, she knows that her controlling, blaming anger is pushing him away, yet she fears that "If I let go of the control, he will end up making a fool of me. The only way I can be safe from him doing something behind my back, like having an affair, is to keep a tight rein on him." Alexis' husband, Noah, has been staying away more and more, and coming home later and later. He doesn't want to be around the anger. The more he stays away, the angrier Alexis gets. She is terrified to let go and see what will happen. Having a huge abandonment issue, and not doing the inner work to take care of herself, she is very afraid he will leave her. Rather than risk this, she keeps doing the very thing that pushes Noah away, while her fears continue to grow.

Connor is constantly holding back his love with his wife, Madison. When Madison comes with an open heart and loving eyes, Connor shrinks back from even looking at her. "If I look at her and open to her, it feels as if she will suck out my very soul and have total control over me. I just get so terrified of completely losing myself. I feel bad because I know how much I hurt Madison with my withholding, but I can't seem to stay open to loving her or loving myself." Conner does not believe that if he opens to loving, he will have a powerful enough adult that he cannot be taken over and controlled.

Each of these people are terrified at losing something - losing themselves, losing the other, losing face, losing money, losing power. None of them have the faith that if they open to loving themselves and others, they will be supported by the vast power of Spirit. None of them are willing to risk opening to loving and seeing what happens. As a result, they cannot create a strong enough connection with their spiritual Guidance to know that their fears are not based on truth, but on their false beliefs.

Two things would need to happen for them to change:

1. They would need to be willing to risk having their worst fears happen. Until they are willing to find out whether or not their fears are based on truth, they will be stuck avoiding them. When they finally say, "Okay, if I'm abandoned, made a fool of, taken advantage of or completely controlled by another, so be it. Living this way isn't working so I'm willing to see what will happen if I open," then they will open to learning and loving.
2. When they decide that the spiritual journey of becoming a loving human being is more important than whether or not they are hurt, rejected, controlled, or made a fool of, then they will open. As long as they believe that the earthly journey of getting and controlling is more important than the spiritual journey of learning and loving, they will stay stuck.

Your soul remembers your spiritual journey. Your soul yearns to love and share love. Your soul yearns for the lightness of being that comes from opening to love. If you diligently practice Inner Bonding, you will eventually connect with the deep desires of your soul and open your heart.

Margaret Paul, Ph.D. is the best-selling author and co-author of eight books, including "Do I Have To Give Up Me To Be Loved By You?" and "Healing Your Aloneness." She is the co-creator of the powerful Inner Bonding® healing process. Learn Inner Bonding now! Visit her web site for a FREE Inner Bonding course: http://www.innerbonding.com

http://www.akbarkaji.com

The Power of Positive Thinking

Positive thinking is a mental and emotional attitude that focuses on the bright side of life and expects positive results.

A positive person anticipates happiness, health and success, and believes he or she can overcome any obstacle and difficulty.

Positive thinking is not accepted by everyone. Some, consider it as nonsense, and scoff at people who follow it, but there is a growing number of people, who accept positive thinking as a fact, and believe in its effectiveness.

It seems that this subject is gaining popularity, as evidenced by the many books, lectures and courses about it.

To use it in your life, you need more than just to be aware of its existence. You need to adopt the attitude of positive thinking in everything you do.

How Positive Thinking Works

The following story illustrates how this power works:

Allan applied for a new job, but he didn't believe he will get it, since his self-esteem was low, and he considered himself as a failure and unworthy of success.

He had a negative attitude toward himself, and therefore, believed that the other applicants were better and more qualified than him.

Allan's mind was occupied with negative thoughts and fears concerning the job, for the whole week preceding the job interview. He actually, anticipated failure.

On the day of the interview, he got up late, and to his horror he discovered that the shirt he planned to wear was dirty, and the other one needed ironing. As it was already too late, he went out wearing a wrinkled shirt and without eating breakfast.

During the interview, he was tense, negative, hungry and worried about his shirt. All this,distracted his mind and made it difficult for him to focus on the interview. His overall behavior made a bad impression, and consequently, he materialized his fear and did not get the job.

Jim applied for the same job too, but approached the matter in a different way. He was sure that he was going to get the job. During the week preceding the interview, he often visualized himself making a good impression and getting the job.

In the evening before the interview, he prepared the clothes he was going to wear, and went to sleep a little earlier. On day of the interview, he woke up earlier than usual, and had ample time to eat breakfast, and then to arrive to the interview before the scheduled time.

Jim made a good impression and got the job.

What do we learn from these two stories? Was there any magic used? No, everything happened in a natural way.

Positive Thinking Is a Way of Life

With a positive attitude we experience pleasant and happy feelings. This brings brightness to the eyes, more energy, and happiness. Our whole being broadcasts good will, happiness and success. Even our health is affected in a beneficial way. We walk tall, our voice is more powerful, and our body language shows the way we feel.

Positive and negative thinking are contagious.

We affect, and are affected by the people we meet, in one way or another. This happens instinctively and on a subconscious level, through words, thoughts and feelings, and through body language.

Is it any wonder that we want to be around positive people, and prefer to avoid negative ones?

People are more disposed to help us, if we are positive, and they dislike and avoid anyone broadcasting negativity.

Negative thoughts, words and attitude, create negative and unhappy feelings, moods and behavior. When the mind is negative, poisons are released into the blood, which cause more unhappiness and negativity. This is the way to failure, frustration and disappointment.

Positive Thinking Practical Instructions

In order to turn the mind toward the positive, some inner work is required, since attitude and thoughts do not change overnight.

1. Read about this subject, think about its benefits, and persuade yourself to try it. The power of your thoughts is a mighty power that is always shaping your life. This shaping is usually done subconsciously, but it is possible to make the process a conscious one. Even if the idea seems strange, give it a try. You have nothing to lose, but only to gain.
2. Ignore what other people say or think about you, if they discover that you are changing the way you think.
3. Use your imagination to visualize only favorable and beneficial situations.
4. Use positive words in your inner dialogues, or when talking with others.
5. Smile a little more, as this helps to think positively.
6. Once a negative thought enters your mind, you have to be aware of it, and endeavor to replace it with a constructive one. If the negative thought returns, replace it again with a positive one. It is as if there are two pictures in front of you, and you have to choose to look at one of them, and disregard the other. Persistence will eventually teach your mind to think positively, and to ignore negative thoughts.
7. In case you experience inner resistance and difficulties when replacing negative thoughts with positive ones, do not give up, but keep looking only at the beneficial, good and happy thoughts in your mind.
8. It doesn't matter what your circumstances are at the present moment. Think positively, expect only favorable results and situations, and circumstances will change accordingly. If you persevere, you will transform the way your mind thinks. It might take some time for the changes to take place, but eventually they will.
9. Another useful technique is the repetition of affirmations. This technique is similar to creative visualization, and can be used together with it.

The other articles at this website, about the power of concentration, willpower, self-discipline and peace of mind, also contribute to the development of a positive mind, and are recommended for reading and practicing.