The Courage to Live Consciously

Security is mostly a superstition. It does not exist in nature,
nor do the children of men as a whole experience it.
Avoiding danger is no safer in the long run than outright exposure.
Life is either a daring adventure, or nothing.
To keep our faces toward change and behave like free spirits
in the presence of fate is strength undefeatable.- Helen Keller

In our day-to-day lives, the virtue of courage doesn't receive much attention. Courage is a quality reserved for soldiers, firefighters, and activists. Security is what matters most today. Perhaps you were taught to avoid being too bold or too brave. It's too dangerous. Don't take unnecessary risks. Don't draw attention to yourself in public. Follow family traditions. Don't talk to strangers. Keep an eye out for suspicious people. Stay safe.

But a side effect of overemphasizing the importance of personal security in your life is that it can cause you to live reactively. Instead of setting your own goals, making plans to achieve them, and going after them with gusto, you play it safe. Keep working at the stable job, even though it doesn't fulfill you. Remain in the unsatisfying relationship, even though you feel dead inside compared to the passion you once had. Who are you to think that you can buck the system? Accept your lot in life, and make the best of it. Go with the flow, and don't rock the boat. Your only hope is that the currents of life will pull you in a favorable direction.

No doubt there exist real dangers in life you must avoid. But there's a huge gulf between recklessness and courage. I'm not referring to the heroic courage required to risk your life to save someone from a burning building. By courage I mean the ability to face down those imaginary fears and reclaim the far more powerful life that you've denied yourself. Fear of failure. Fear of rejection. Fear of going broke. Fear of being alone. Fear of humiliation. Fear of public speaking. Fear of being ostracized by family and friends. Fear of physical discomfort. Fear of regret. Fear of success.

How many of these fears are holding you back? How would you live if you had no fear at all? You'd still have your intelligence and common sense to safely navigate around any real dangers, but without feeling the emotion of fear, would you be more willing to take risks, especially when the worst case wouldn't actually hurt you at all? Would you speak up more often, talk to more strangers, ask for more sales, dive headlong into those ambitious projects you've been dreaming about? What if you even learned to enjoy the things you currently fear? What kind of difference would that make in your life?

Have you previously convinced yourself that you aren't really afraid of anything... that there are always good and logical reasons why you don't do certain things? It would be rude to introduce yourself to a stranger. You shouldn't attempt public speaking because you don't have anything to say. Asking for a raise would be improper because you're supposed to wait until the next formal review. They're just rationalizations though - think about how your life would change if you could confidently and courageously do these things with no fear at all.

What Is Courage?

Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgment that something else is more important than fear.
- Ambrose Redmoon

Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear - not absence of fear.
- Mark Twain

Courage is being scared to death, but saddling up anyway.
- John Wayne

I like the definitions of courage above, which all suggest that courage is the ability to get yourself to take action in spite of fear. The word courage derives from the Latin cor, which means "heart." But true courage is more a matter of intellect than of feeling. It requires using the uniquely human part of your brain (the neocortex) to wrest control away from the emotional limbic brain you share in common with other mammals. Your limbic brain signals danger, but your neocortex reasons that the danger isn't real, so you simply feel the fear and take action anyway. The more you learn to act in spite of fear, the more human you become. The more you follow the fear, the more you live like a lower mammal. So the question, "Are you a man or a mouse?" is consistent with human neurology.

Courageous people are still afraid, but they don't let the fear paralyze them. People who lack courage will give into fear more often than not, which actually has the long-term effect of strengthening the fear. When you avoid facing a fear and then feel relieved that you escaped it, this acts as a psychological reward that reinforces the mouse-like avoidance behavior, making you even more likely to avoid facing the fear in the future. So the more you avoid asking someone out on a date, the more paralyzed you'll feel about taking such actions in the future. You are literally conditioning yourself to become more timid and mouse-like.

Such avoidance behavior causes stagnation in the long run. As you get older, you reinforce your fear reactions to the point where it's hard to even imagine yourself standing up to your fears. You begin taking your fears for granted; they become real to you. You cocoon yourself into a life that insulates you from all these fears: a stable but unhappy marriage, a job that doesn't require you to take risks, an income that keeps you comfortable. Then you rationalize your behavior: You have a family to support and can't take risks, you're too old to shift careers, you can't lose weight because you have "fat" genes. Five years... ten years... twenty years pass, and you realize that your life hasn't changed all that much. You've settled down. All that's really left now is to live out the remainder of your years as contently as possible and then settle yourself into the ground, where you'll finally achieve total safety and security.

But there's something else going on behind the scenes, isn't there? That tiny voice in the back of your mind recalls that this isn't the kind of life you wanted to live. It wants more, much more. It wants you to become far wealthier, to have an outstanding relationship, to get your body in peak physical condition, to learn new skills, to travel the world, to have lots of wonderful friends, to help people in need, to make a meaningful difference. That voice tells you that settling into a job where you sell widgets the rest of your life just won't cut it. That voice frowns at you when you catch a glance of your oversized belly in the mirror or get winded going up a flight of stairs. It beams disappointment when it sees what's become of your family. It tells you that the reason you have trouble motivating yourself is that you aren't doing what you really ought to be doing with your life... because you're afraid. And if you refuse to listen, it will always be there, nagging you about your mediocre results until you die, full of regrets for what might have been.

So how do you respond to this ornery voice that won't shut up? What do you do when confronted by that gut feeling that something just isn't right in your life? What's your favorite way to silence it? Maybe drown it out by watching TV, listening to the radio, working long hours at an unfulfilling job, or consuming alcohol and caffeine and sugar.

But whenever you do this, you lower your level of consciousness. You sink closer towards an instinctive animal and move away from becoming a fully conscious human being. You react to life instead of proactively going after your goals. You fall into a state of learned helplessness, where you begin to believe that your goals are no longer possible or practical for you. You become more and more like a mouse, even trying to convince yourself that life as a mouse might not be so bad after all, since everyone around you seems to be OK with it. You surround yourself with your fellow mice, and on the rare occasions that you encounter a fully conscious human being, it scares the hell out of you to remember how much of your own courage has been lost.

Raise Your Consciousness

Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one's courage.
- Anais Nin

Courage is the price that Life exacts for granting peace.
- Amelia Earhart

You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, "I have lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along." You must do the thing you think you cannot do.
- Eleanor Roosevelt

The way out of this vicious cycle is to summon your courage and confront that inner voice. Find a place where you can be alone with pen and paper (or computer and keyboard). Listen to that voice, and face up to what it's telling you, no matter how difficult it is to hear. (The voice is just an abstraction - you may not hear words at all; instead you may see what you should be doing or simply feel it emotionally. But I'll continue to refer to the voice for the sake of example.) This voice may tell you that your marriage has been dead for ten years, and you're refusing to face it because you're afraid of divorce. It may tell you that you're afraid that if you start your own business, you'll probably fail, and that's why you're staying at a job that doesn't challenge you to grow. It may tell you that you've given up trying to lose weight because you've failed at it so many times, and you're addicted to food. It may tell you that the friends you're hanging out with now are incongruent with the person you want to be, and that you need to leave that reference group behind and build a new one. It may tell you that you always wanted to be an actor or writer, but you settled for a sales job because it seemed more safe and secure. It may tell you that you always wanted to help people in need, but you aren't doing so in the way you should. It may tell you that you're wasting your talents.

See if you can reduce that voice to just a single word or two. What is it telling you to do? Leave. Quit. Speak. Write. Dance. Act. Exercise. Sell. Switch. Move on. Let go. Ask. Learn. Forgive. Whatever you get from this, write it down. Perhaps you even have different words for each area of your life.

Now you have to take the difficult step of consciously acknowledging that this is what you really want. It's OK if you don't think it's possible for you. It's OK if you don't see how you could ever have it. But don't deny that you want it. You lower your consciousness when you do that. When you look at your overweight body, admit that you really want to be fit and healthy. When you light up that next cigarette, don't deny that you want to be a nonsmoker. When you meet the potential mate of your dreams, don't deny that you'd love to be in a relationship with that person. When you meet a person who seems to be at total peace with herself, don't deny that you crave that level of inner peace too. Get yourself out of denial. Move instead to a place where you admit, "I really do want this, but I just don't feel I currently have the ability to get it." It's perfectly OK to want something that you don't think you can have. And you're almost certainly wrong in concluding that you can't have it. But first, stop lying to yourself and pretending you don't really want it.

A Special Announcement

A Special Announcement

Hi, I thought i would let you in to a surprise seen as it,s the start of the new year, this year am going to complete and publish my book on How to make money online, this book will give an all round information on what is required to build a successful online business how to grow your and market your business and what is required to maintain it.

When the book is published i will post a website link which will give more information, until then happy new year hope 2016 brings you all what you have wished for.

A FREE GIFT FROM ME TO YOU

GET YOU FREE COPY OF THE SUNDAY TIMES BESTSELLER AND WH SMITHS BOOK OF THE WEEK HERE ON MY BEHALF: http://bit.ly/1fobQQj

Listen..This Will Change Your Life - The Strangest Secret

If You Have Any Questions Or Just Would Like A Chat With Me Please Contact Me Via This Email:  akbar@akbarkaji.com

http://www.akbarkaji.com

Deep Self-Acceptance - The Key To Happiness

I am not on top of the latest and greatest news the way that some people seem to be. I have a tendency to get things a little later than hot off the presses. However, I happened to watch the Bruce Jenner interview pretty much as soon as it was available. It was a fluke really. While I am very concerned with equality for and understanding of all types of issues especially those related to gender, I was relatively oblivious to all of the press. Yup, that is the truth. I don't watch reality TV and my consumption of media is low.

The night of this interview I was looking for a something to watch on Hulu and I stumbled on this interview. After watching 10 minutes of it, I knew I needed to bring it to my coaching training program, which was having an intensive the next day. There was so much in that interview that made for rich discussion when working with people. But, what struck me more than anything was that it reminded me that people - all of us - struggle with knowing and being our full selves and that this challenge causes us so much pain.

We can't be happy if we do not truly accept ourselves. But, what does true self-acceptance look like? Let me see if I can put it into some more concrete terms.

You are either OK with who you are or you are not. You are either on your own side or you are not. And, what this feels like, when you accept yourself, could almost be described as weightlessness.

If you wonder whether you accept yourself ask yourself these questions:

• Am I at peace with all my decisions?
• Do I love myself -even the not-so-great parts?
• When faced with information that supports a less than noble view of myself can I love myself and also challenge myself to be more?
• When in a disagreement, can I respect my own view while respecting the other person's view?
• Do I know that no matter what I discover about myself that I am good?

If you answer "no" or are not certain, try some exercises taken from my book Real Answers to help you work on fully accepting yourself:

Powerful questions: With these next statements, you have the opportunity to become more aware of any areas of your life where it will benefit you to come to terms, as well as what you might be afraid of.
Complete these statements about yourself:

• One thing I have a difficult time accepting about my life, but deep down know is true, is:
• Some of the things I feel I need to accept about my life that may be difficult to accept are:
• The reason I know these things are difficult to accept is:
• I will know that I have fully accepted these things about my life when:
• This stops me from accepting these things about my life:
• I would accept these things about my life if only:
• I am afraid that, if I accept these things about my life, then:
• What I need to do to accept these things about my life is:

Speak your truth: One of the ways we can move into a deeper level of acceptance is to speak the truth about our lives, making it more real. This increased sense of reality just naturally works to increase our acceptance of what was. For example, I have an event in my life where I had a fight with a close friend of mine. After this fight, I begin to slip into some story around it. For example, my friend was really unfair or my friend overreacted. You can see that these are judgments, and as I was mentioning before, judgments are about the mask. If, instead, I am able to state the data about what happened, this is the actual sensory information. In other words, "What I saw was... ," "What I felt was... ," "What I experienced was... " If I am able to break down the information as truthfully as possible, I will begin to see the situation for what it is.

Talk to someone who was there: This is why personal growth groups and therapy groups work really well. If someone has gone through a similar experience (or, as is the case sometimes with family members, the same experience) sharing that experience with someone who can understand helps us accept that experience. We come to know that this is what truly happened and these are the effects it had. As I was saying earlier in this book, when people go through a trauma, they often minimize the effects or don't recognize the effects. They do not see that what happened to them directly affects their life. For example, that their depression is related to the trauma or that their angry outbursts are related to the trauma. It is education, which allows us to see all these experiences connect inside of us, how we live them out. This is another example of how we can use acceptance to help with our awareness.

Bringing acceptance into your personal experience will radically change the way you approach almost every aspect of your life and ultimately will bring a lot of benefit to the world.

What does it mean to really love yourself, to accept all of who you are? Join Dr. Kate Siner on this weeks Real Answers Radio as she focuses on this topic. Drawing on inspiration from Bruce Jenner's articulate interview, Kate will be talking about what it means to embrace ALL of who you are, even in the face of criticism and misunderstanding. Call in with your thoughts and questions!

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/9025558

The skill of self confidence | Dr. Ivan Joseph | TEDxRyersonU

http://www.akbarkaji.com

Needs: Do Some People's Childhoods Set Them Up To Focus On Other People's Needs?

While there will be times where will be important for someone to focus on the needs of others, there will also be times when this isn't the case. This is not to say that one will need to spend half of their time being focused on other people's needs and half of their time being focused on their own - as it is not that black and white.

The most important thing will be for one to be aware of their needs, and for their life to be based around the fulfilment of these needs. One person could agree with this, and another could see this approach as being 'selfish'.

They could say that when someone focuses on their own needs they end up ignoring other people's needs. In their mind, it is not going to be possible for them to see how they can fulfil their own needs, and be there for others.

Two Options

As a result of this, they are going to focus on other people's needs and feel as though they are doing the right thing, or they will focus on their own needs and feel as though they are doing the wrong thing. One is then going to be 'selfless', or they will end up being 'selfish'.

But although there can appear to be only two options, with one being 'better' than the other, there is another option. And whether one comes across as though they are always there for themselves or always there for others, they are still putting themselves first.

Appearances

when one is always there for others, it can create the impression that they are putting their needs to one side. This is because people are judged based on what they do, and not on what is taking place within them.

Therefore, it won't matter what their true intentions are, and they will generally be seen as an example to follow. Yet, if someone was able to look at what is taking place within them, they are likely to see that there is more to their behaviour than meets the eye.

Approval

When one puts other people's needs before their own, it is going to allow them to receive their approval. On one side, it can seem as though they are ignoring their own needs, but on the other, it is clear that they are still fulfilling their needs.

The key distinction here is that they are not going to be focused on all of their needs; they are only going to be focused on their survival needs. Receiving approval from others is then not just something that makes them feel good; it is something they believe they need in order to exist.

One Option

If they were to embrace all of their needs and they were no longer obsessed with others people needs, it is going to be seen as a threat to their survival. This is not just going to be seen as something they believe, it is likely to be seen as the truth.

There is then going to be the mask that they show to the world, and then there is going to be the person behind the mask. On the outside, they may create impression that everything is fine, but this is likely to be in stark contrast to how they really feel.

Trapped

However, as they believe that they can only survive by pleasing others, it is not going to be possible for them to reveal their true self. But one won't have to feel as though their life is under threat in order to feel uncomfortable.

Before they even get to this point, they are going to feel guilty and ashamed for having needs. It then won't matter that there is nothing wrong with their needs, as they are going to feel as though it is not safe for them to have them.

The Ideal

Having needs is part of being human, and just because someone embraces them, it doesn't mean they will ignore other people needs. What it does man is that they will be able to live a life that is worth living.

For it is through fulfilling one's own needs, that they will be able to full the needs of others. This then allows them to be there for others without having to end up running on empty.

Another Angle

And while it is easy to believe that one is 'selfish' for putting their needs first and 'selfless' for putting other people needs first, there is more to it. For example, if one focuses on their own needs and creates something, it is going to enable them to fulfil other people needs.

Whereas, if one was to focus on others and didn't fulfil their need to create something, they are not going to be able to fill other people's needs. This shows how important it is for one to take care of their own needs.

Focused

So if one was to let go of their need to focus on other people needs, they are going to feel as though their time on this earth will soon come to an end. It is then not possible for one to be an individual; they have to be who others want them to be.

The support that they need from others will be seen as something that will only appear if they do what they want. However, while this is likely to be what is normal, it is not something that 'just happened'.

Childhood

Their younger years will have been a time where their needs were ignored, and they would have ended up taking care of the needs of the people around them. At this time, it would have been something one needed to do to survive.

One would have ended up disconnecting from their own needs, and gradually developed the ability to focus on their caregivers needs. It wouldn't have mattered that their true self had to go into hiding, and this is because they needed to be accepted.

Awareness

This is then going to mean that one's developmental needs were not met, and is going to mean that although they look like an adult, they are not going to feel like one. They were expected to act like an adult before they even had the chance to act like a child.

In order to move forward, it will be important for one to grieve their unmet childhood needs, and to be affirmed for who they are. This is something that can take place with the assistance of a therapist or a healer.

Prolific writer, thought leader and coach, Oliver JR Cooper hails from the United Kingdom. His insightful commentary and analysis covers all aspects of human transformation; love, partnership, self-love, and inner awareness. With over several hundred in-depth articles highlighting human psychology and behavior, Oliver offers hope along with his sound advice. Current projects include "A Dialogue With The Heart" and "Communication Made Easy."

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/9011185
http://www.akbarkaji.com

What Prevents You From Loving Yourself?

How often is the question, "What is loving to myslf and others - what is in my highest good and the highest good of another?" the question that guides your actions? Is there something in the way of you asking this question? What is the fear that gets in the way of loving yourself?

Ethan's fear is that "If I open to loving, I will be weak and then easily taken advantage of. I might lose my sharpness in business and then lose money. Business people will see that I'm a soft touch and run right over me."

Ethan's wounded self does not believe that if his strong, spiritually connected loving adult is in charge, he will be more powerful than he is now. He does not believe that by being tuned into his spiritual Guidance, he will be able to know when someone is trying to take advantage of him, and when someone is coming from integrity. Because Ethan spends most of his time trying to control, he does not have faith in his spiritual Guidance. He is afraid to open, afraid it will lead him astray, afraid of losing what he has. As a result, Ethan spends most of his life in stress, leading to physical and emotional pain. He is unhappy with this, but not unhappy enough to risk opening to loving. He is stuck.

Alexis is stuck in her cycle of anger at her husband. In her mind, she knows that her controlling, blaming anger is pushing him away, yet she fears that "If I let go of the control, he will end up making a fool of me. The only way I can be safe from him doing something behind my back, like having an affair, is to keep a tight rein on him." Alexis' husband, Noah, has been staying away more and more, and coming home later and later. He doesn't want to be around the anger. The more he stays away, the angrier Alexis gets. She is terrified to let go and see what will happen. Having a huge abandonment issue, and not doing the inner work to take care of herself, she is very afraid he will leave her. Rather than risk this, she keeps doing the very thing that pushes Noah away, while her fears continue to grow.

Connor is constantly holding back his love with his wife, Madison. When Madison comes with an open heart and loving eyes, Connor shrinks back from even looking at her. "If I look at her and open to her, it feels as if she will suck out my very soul and have total control over me. I just get so terrified of completely losing myself. I feel bad because I know how much I hurt Madison with my withholding, but I can't seem to stay open to loving her or loving myself." Conner does not believe that if he opens to loving, he will have a powerful enough adult that he cannot be taken over and controlled.

Each of these people are terrified at losing something - losing themselves, losing the other, losing face, losing money, losing power. None of them have the faith that if they open to loving themselves and others, they will be supported by the vast power of Spirit. None of them are willing to risk opening to loving and seeing what happens. As a result, they cannot create a strong enough connection with their spiritual Guidance to know that their fears are not based on truth, but on their false beliefs.

Two things would need to happen for them to change:

1. They would need to be willing to risk having their worst fears happen. Until they are willing to find out whether or not their fears are based on truth, they will be stuck avoiding them. When they finally say, "Okay, if I'm abandoned, made a fool of, taken advantage of or completely controlled by another, so be it. Living this way isn't working so I'm willing to see what will happen if I open," then they will open to learning and loving.
2. When they decide that the spiritual journey of becoming a loving human being is more important than whether or not they are hurt, rejected, controlled, or made a fool of, then they will open. As long as they believe that the earthly journey of getting and controlling is more important than the spiritual journey of learning and loving, they will stay stuck.

Your soul remembers your spiritual journey. Your soul yearns to love and share love. Your soul yearns for the lightness of being that comes from opening to love. If you diligently practice Inner Bonding, you will eventually connect with the deep desires of your soul and open your heart.

Margaret Paul, Ph.D. is the best-selling author and co-author of eight books, including "Do I Have To Give Up Me To Be Loved By You?" and "Healing Your Aloneness." She is the co-creator of the powerful Inner Bonding® healing process. Learn Inner Bonding now! Visit her web site for a FREE Inner Bonding course: http://www.innerbonding.com

http://www.akbarkaji.com

Tony Robbins New Book "Money: Master the Game." Interview with Brendon B...

www.akbarkaji.com

E-mail: akbar@akbarkaji.com

How Incredibly Successful People THINK

www.akbarkaji.com

The Power of Positive Thinking

Positive thinking is a mental and emotional attitude that focuses on the bright side of life and expects positive results.

A positive person anticipates happiness, health and success, and believes he or she can overcome any obstacle and difficulty.

Positive thinking is not accepted by everyone. Some, consider it as nonsense, and scoff at people who follow it, but there is a growing number of people, who accept positive thinking as a fact, and believe in its effectiveness.

It seems that this subject is gaining popularity, as evidenced by the many books, lectures and courses about it.

To use it in your life, you need more than just to be aware of its existence. You need to adopt the attitude of positive thinking in everything you do.

How Positive Thinking Works

The following story illustrates how this power works:

Allan applied for a new job, but he didn't believe he will get it, since his self-esteem was low, and he considered himself as a failure and unworthy of success.

He had a negative attitude toward himself, and therefore, believed that the other applicants were better and more qualified than him.

Allan's mind was occupied with negative thoughts and fears concerning the job, for the whole week preceding the job interview. He actually, anticipated failure.

On the day of the interview, he got up late, and to his horror he discovered that the shirt he planned to wear was dirty, and the other one needed ironing. As it was already too late, he went out wearing a wrinkled shirt and without eating breakfast.

During the interview, he was tense, negative, hungry and worried about his shirt. All this,distracted his mind and made it difficult for him to focus on the interview. His overall behavior made a bad impression, and consequently, he materialized his fear and did not get the job.

Jim applied for the same job too, but approached the matter in a different way. He was sure that he was going to get the job. During the week preceding the interview, he often visualized himself making a good impression and getting the job.

In the evening before the interview, he prepared the clothes he was going to wear, and went to sleep a little earlier. On day of the interview, he woke up earlier than usual, and had ample time to eat breakfast, and then to arrive to the interview before the scheduled time.

Jim made a good impression and got the job.

What do we learn from these two stories? Was there any magic used? No, everything happened in a natural way.

Positive Thinking Is a Way of Life

With a positive attitude we experience pleasant and happy feelings. This brings brightness to the eyes, more energy, and happiness. Our whole being broadcasts good will, happiness and success. Even our health is affected in a beneficial way. We walk tall, our voice is more powerful, and our body language shows the way we feel.

Positive and negative thinking are contagious.

We affect, and are affected by the people we meet, in one way or another. This happens instinctively and on a subconscious level, through words, thoughts and feelings, and through body language.

Is it any wonder that we want to be around positive people, and prefer to avoid negative ones?

People are more disposed to help us, if we are positive, and they dislike and avoid anyone broadcasting negativity.

Negative thoughts, words and attitude, create negative and unhappy feelings, moods and behavior. When the mind is negative, poisons are released into the blood, which cause more unhappiness and negativity. This is the way to failure, frustration and disappointment.

Positive Thinking Practical Instructions

In order to turn the mind toward the positive, some inner work is required, since attitude and thoughts do not change overnight.

1. Read about this subject, think about its benefits, and persuade yourself to try it. The power of your thoughts is a mighty power that is always shaping your life. This shaping is usually done subconsciously, but it is possible to make the process a conscious one. Even if the idea seems strange, give it a try. You have nothing to lose, but only to gain.
2. Ignore what other people say or think about you, if they discover that you are changing the way you think.
3. Use your imagination to visualize only favorable and beneficial situations.
4. Use positive words in your inner dialogues, or when talking with others.
5. Smile a little more, as this helps to think positively.
6. Once a negative thought enters your mind, you have to be aware of it, and endeavor to replace it with a constructive one. If the negative thought returns, replace it again with a positive one. It is as if there are two pictures in front of you, and you have to choose to look at one of them, and disregard the other. Persistence will eventually teach your mind to think positively, and to ignore negative thoughts.
7. In case you experience inner resistance and difficulties when replacing negative thoughts with positive ones, do not give up, but keep looking only at the beneficial, good and happy thoughts in your mind.
8. It doesn't matter what your circumstances are at the present moment. Think positively, expect only favorable results and situations, and circumstances will change accordingly. If you persevere, you will transform the way your mind thinks. It might take some time for the changes to take place, but eventually they will.
9. Another useful technique is the repetition of affirmations. This technique is similar to creative visualization, and can be used together with it.

The other articles at this website, about the power of concentration, willpower, self-discipline and peace of mind, also contribute to the development of a positive mind, and are recommended for reading and practicing.

How To Stay Positive

www.akbarkaji.com

Relationship Communication - How Couples Perceive Each Other

Just because someone is listening to me, I don't assume that they got the communication that I sent. Neither should you.

So after I say something, I have created the habit of asking my listener what s/he heard from me. I also like to check in on my own perceptions about what I've heard from someone.

Rather than assuming that my perceptions about what other people mean when they say something are accurate, I've gotten into the practice of asking if what I heard was what they meant to communicate to me.

Here's one great example:
I had assumed for a while that when my lover didn't ask for my support (because I certainly ask for his) that it was because he didn't think I had anything to give him. I was really upset about this story I was telling myself and it was affecting how I related to him. I found that I resented asking for his support, and did everything in my power to avoid it. I felt awful because it thwarted my natural inclination to ask. But he wouldn't ask me… It was a viscous circle.

When I finally checked in and asked "I've had the feeling that you don't ask me for help because you don't think I have anything to offer you. Is that accurate with what is happening for you?" He laughed. "Absolutely not," he said. "I just can't seem to ask. It's my issue. I really value your help," he said.

Lately we've been working with asking each other what we RECEIVE in our communications and it's fascinating how much of what is SENT is altered by way of how we hear things. He could say "I don't want to talk about it," and I will hear "You don't want to talk to me." We then have an opportunity to clarify and better understand how each of us uses language.

If you use the words "sense," "feel" or "intuit," you let your partner know "Look, this is a perception."

No one wants to be TOLD how he or she is." I sense you're angry," is an opening. "You're angry," is a dead end. Then simply ask, "Is that accurate?" "Does that resonate with you?" "Is that what's going on for you?"

It feels great to have someone care enough to really get it right and to be able to reflect your communication back to you with accuracy.

Perception Checking:
Ask who you're talking to reflect back to you what s/he heard. If what you had hoped to send and what they received are different, you've got a place tostart from to clear up any misconceptions and get yourselves both "on the same page."
After someone says something to you, reflect back to him or her what you've heard. Discover if it matches. If it doesn't it gives you both the chance to make sure that the message that's being sent is the one you're getting.

Starting Your Day off the RIGHT Way

The morning is the most important time of the day. Why? - Because it can easily set the mood for the rest of your day! - This is due to many reasons. One of the most significant is that it is much easier (scientifically, almost 25 times easier) to develop short term paradigms (viewpoints) upon first waking up. When you first awaken, your mind is slowly leaving the delta state, (low brain wave frequency) where it is most easily influenced by mental suggestion. In other words, your mind is most open – and what you put in it will stay in it, until at least the end of the day. It is for this reason that often, if you are awakened by a sound or a song, you may be able to easily recall it again and again throughout the day (even if it’s a song you cannot stand!).

That being said, it is absolutely critical that you start your day off on the “right side of the bed.” Any negative thoughts you have will shape your subconscious for the entire day. Realize, if you wake up and say “Sh*t… today’s gonna suck…”, then it will suck! - Your subconscious would be imbued with a belief that “today sucks” and would work with your mental filtering systems and all of your senses to perceive information accordingly. There’s a lot to it, but the point of this article is to give you a list of tips to start your day off the right way… so back on track.

We know you’re busy as #%$! In the morning and don’t have time for therapeutic, two hour spa sessions when you’re trying to get to work or class on time. Therefore, this list is as “grounded” as is possible, and you can start using it – Now.

Also, for the record, we DO use every single one of these ourselves.

1. Initial Wakeup

GET UP! FAST! When you wake up, get out of bed as fast as you can! (without sending yourself into cardiac arrest, of course.) Waste no time in getting up. The best cure for procrastination is action – so if you’re procrastinating about getting out of bed, just force yourself to get up! …and wallah! - Problem solved! Jumping out of bed will spike your metabolism, and will end all thoughts of “just lying there” a little bit more. As an added bonus, I put my alarm clock on the other side of the room – forcing me to jump out of bed and go turn it off… and once I’m out, I stay out!

2. Light

The power of light is severely underestimated by most people. How? It has profound effects upon body chemistry and energy levels. You circadian rhythm (based on light levels) affects nearly all aspects of your physiology. Over 200 processes are controlled by the level of and type of light that you receive, including heart rate, digestion, appetite and thirst, fluid balance, stress level, emotions, immunity, hunger, energy, blood pressure, body temperature, physical strength, reaction times, sexual appetite, urine production and brain balance – just to name a few. Bright, natural light is ideal for bringing the most energy to all these systems. The more light you receive, the more serotonin your pineal gland produces – a “feel good” neurotransmitter. The less light received, the more melatonin your pineal gland produces. Melatonin is essentially a depressant / sedative. This explains why humans living in Spain are some of the most upbeat, positive beings on the planet, where as residents in Norway or Russia are some of the most depressed. Your body makes melatonin at night, and makes serotonin during the day. So, the sooner you turn on the lights, or open the blinds preferably, the sooner your body’s systems will increase their energy levels. The longer you keep it dark, the harder it will be to wake up – that simple.

3. Wake Up to a Clean Room

This one may not seem that significant, but believe me – it is. Waking up to a clean, organized room has a positive first impression upon your mind. Waking up to clutter, dirty clothes, and piles of beer cans from the night before does not. This may seem like a bit of a feng shui thing, but give it a try, and you will realize – it does work. It’s easier to vacate a room when it’s clean, pristine, and relatively organized / empty, versus one that is piled high and more “cozy.” Keep your room stark… put things away from you’re done using them. It will help.

4. Fresh Air

Open the window. No matter what season it is. Open the window… even if it is just a crack. Your bedroom has sat stagnant all night, void of fresh air, especially if you leave your door closed as I do. When you open the window (and the door preferably) you create a cross draft to bring in fresh air. You have lowered the oxygen level by rebreathing the same air in the room at night. However, as soon as you open the window, you bring in fresh air with high oxygen levels – instantly raising your energy level. Even if it is 10 degrees out, open the window just a tad. When it’s cold out, it will have even more of an effect – the cool, denser air will carry more oxygen, and the temperature alone will help you to awaken.

5. Music

Music is a huge part of my morning. Even if you are not musically motivated, music can shape your mornings. Turn on music as soon as you can after waking up. Make sure it is something positive and uplifting – as chances are it may become stuck in your head for the rest of the day. Personally, I love pounding trance in the morning – it’s positive, uplifting chords and driving bass last with me all day. Make sure you’re listening to something that pulls you up… not down. The effect of music upon the brain is something we will discuss down the road – stay tuned. Also, if music is not available, any high frequencysound chords can work. Birds chirping, wind chimes, ect – all help awaken and sooth the mind.

6. Food

Start your morning off with a full glass of water before you eat anything else – This is essential. Toxins have been ejected from tissue and line your throat and mouth (thus, morning-breath) and the last thing you want to do is to allow them to adhere to your breakfast. Drink a full glass of water –and give it ten minutes. If you have an empty stomach, the toxins will be flushed down, and pass out with your urine, with no food to absorb them. Ten minutes later, you may eat your breakfast. The subject of a healthy breakfast is obviously a lengthy subject, but I’ll be brief – DO NOT SKIP BREAKFAST. They’re not lying when they say it’s the most important meal of the day. Your body has been starved for eight hours or more, and breakfast is crucial. Breakfast jumpstarts your metabolism, ends your body’s “hoarding mode” from the night, and will actually help you lose weight and stay lean if you chose the proper foods. Make sure you eat some fruit, some protein, and some carbs. My typical weekend breakfast consists of an orange and three scrambled eggs… very basic, but quite healthy. If you’re eating loads of sugary cereal, or worse, doughnuts for breakfast, you need to go do some basic research online on how to eat healthy. You could be lean and good looking, but lack energy, and your arteries may be 90% blocked – as a result of your diet.

7. Cold shower

Take a cold shower. Yes, freezing cold is unbearable. You don’t have to do it that way. Start it off hot… like me. Then, after you’re medium-toasty (not well-toasty... it will make you more tired), put it on cold for as long as you can take it. Then, put it on hot for a minute… then cold for a minute. Repeat the hot-cold cycle a few times – this will not only wake you up fast, but it will expand and contract your pores to force out toxins and oils from the night. End the shower with a cold rinse – you want to be cold when you step out… it’s critical, as it will raise your metabolism, and keep it there. Try the cold shower thing for a week – you’ll notice a difference. A long, hot shower depresses your physiological systems and makes you want to go back to bed. A cold, invigorating shower will wake you up – fast. Try it.

8. Make Your Bed

This doesn’t serve as much of a purpose for in the morning, as it does for in the evening. I’ll explain how it works from my situation. I wake up. I do my morning routine. I (in this example) do not make my bed. I leave. I work all day, and at the end of the day, I think of all the projects that I am going to work on when I get home. However, when I get home into my room, I suddenly feel tired… there’s something drawing me to my bed. The covers are thrown back – like a great, yawning mouth of gaping comfort… calling for me to dive in after a long day at work. So I do – I jump in, cover up, get all toasty, and sleep away half of my evening – only to go to bed again a few hours later. Leaving your bed unmade kills your motivation. Not only does it appear messy, which drains your energy in its own right, but it also invites you back in repeatedly, when you usually cannot afford to. So, make your bed. You’ll notice you get more things done in the evening.

9. Time Savers

There are several small, simple things you can do to save time in the morning. For one, if you check your computer in the morning (MySpace, Facebook, email, stocks, weather, ect), then try this. Rather than shutting down your computer at night, put it in standby. You will save a few minutes over turning it on, and it won’t use any more electricity. If it takes your computer four minutes to boot up, multiplied over a year, that is over 24 hours! An entire day you would save if you followed the routine everyday. Another rather obvious tip is to put all your “to-go” items in one spot. Put your phone, wallet (or purse), watch, rings, notepad, ID badge, car keys, ect; all on the same part of the counter, or in a bowl perhaps. It will save you time searching for everything. Additionally, whatever time you are waking up now, wake up ten minutes earlier. It makes a world of difference in the morning. If you can get over the “I could sleep for ten more minutes” thinking, you will reap amazing benefits. Ten minutes can take a lot of the edge off of your morning, allowing you to take your time as you go about your routine. It can save you money as well. I can tell you in my case that if I leave a few minutes early, rather than driving 80 MPH to make it to work on time, I can drive 65-70 MPH, which, due to exponential drag and air resistance, is optimum gas mileage speed for my car, and saves me a few bucks each week in gas.

10. Self-Talk

Self-Talk should be the most important part of any morning routine. In the morning, you need to load yourself with as much positive mental programming as possible. Your mind is most receptive to it in the morning (and at night), and it will shape the rest of your day. Your programming comes in many different forms, and it is our job to help you use it to your advantage. Mental programming is too much for this article… keep your eyes on us as we come out with new products to help you shape your mind exactly the way you want it – and help you live the life you deserve.